it’s so easy to fall victim to one’s emotions running wildly
as if the world were just a large field to try and take over.
but emotions, although good, can be rather dangerous.
if one has no control over them, then it gets the best of them.
never act when you’re upset or overly happy.
never make promises unless you’re in a level headed state.
take a deep breath and think before doing.
anyway, i’ve had to do this little exercise this past year
that my counselor gave me called “thought stopping.”
i have the tendency to fall into these negative thought
spirals that paralyze me in the end. those stupid thoughts
have limited me from moving forward or whatever it is.
so, i’ve had to learn to stop and breathe for a second;
then ask me self, “really, is it true? is what i’m falling
victim to really true, or am i just thinking, over thinking?”
(que relient k song. i was trying to be quippy.)
i was proud of myself in my thought stopping yesterday!
i caught myself. it’s been such a battle. goodness gracious.
but, i won. stupid thought. i beat you. i know that a part of it
is the enemy trying to seep things into my day and thought
process to try and bring me down, but i’m resilient; i’m no
longer easily broken.
it’s been a silly thing. i’ve made a conscious choice to be
single. it’s a healthy thing for me. last year was because of
what i was learning to face and battle through. i was a hot mess
and needed to pull back in order to break myself down and
build myself back up. God gave me the tools and opportunities
and i used them.
my reason for being single right now is my desire
to re-establish my identity in Christ and to be firmly rooted in that.
i want to be unshakable, i want my faith to be unwavering.
i want to be a Proverbs 31 woman, and nothing less.
i also need to be in a space where i can think and breath.
clearly. without a toxic environment.
so, my being single is out of my choice, and until God
tells me i’m ready or shows me He’s ready to share me,
i’d say just expect my friendship. i’ll be a good one :]
but anyway, back to yesterday and my thought stopping success.
some guys that i’ve “seen” in the past now have new lady interests
or are in relationships. don’t get me wrong. i’m really happy for them.
they’re wonderful people and deserve wonderful things, but my stupid
brain (and the enemy) wanted to bring me down by planting
thought in my head like,
“see? you weren’t worth it, they didn’t do half those things
with you or for you. they’re putting in so much effort into these
girls, but didn’t do it for you. why do you think that is?”
…stupid, right? clearly it wasn’t mean to be and i know that. yeah, it sucks seeing it and i almost threw myself a pity party, but then
i realized…NO. shut up, satan. i am being rebuilt by the Lord, i
am being broken down to be re-shaped into who He wants me to
be and He can be as selfish as He wants with me. He wants me to
be my best before He brings someone else to share that with.
