a heart leaks color

everyone, meet jamey.

my sleeping pattern has been severely out of whack lately.

I’ve been addicted to these four songs lately:
“the clearing” , “the sea” & “love is for the foolish”
all by sleep for sleepers

and

“laughing with” by regina spektor

yeah.

my younglife area has lost two kids
this month to car accidents. it’s been
a heavy first month back to my old
area. it sucks cuz it was a situation so
easily preventable. and there is so
much behind each kid involved…I hate
it when people look at the situation so
dead panned and have no regard for
the people…anyway.

at my leader meeting last night we read
through Mark 10:46-52 (sorry if I botched
the verse numbers, the chapter is correct)
and it was about a blind man who wants
to get healed by Jesus and how he
abandons his cloak which is his sense
of security
so he can fully run with Christ.
he left all he knew of security just to run
wiith Jesus. he didn’t evaluate his
current circumstance…he just went.
left all else behind for a new and better
life.
so…why can’t we cast our coats aside?
what holds us back so much from running
full speed with God? what have we
oddly enough prioritized before Him?

i’m not saying in the least bit that i’m
perfect. i’m totally guilty of holding onto
my cloak.

yeah.

we also got to talking about how no
person we meet is by chance and how
no situation ever happens by mistake.
how it was all placed there for a purpose.

I kind of like knowing that.
everything is deliberately placed by God.

hmm. <3

chinese lights, originally uploaded by ariellemyers.

“When I am a monster,
You never wince,
When you look at me.
When I am a freak, you never stare.
When I am a leper,
You never say unclean,
And when I am lost,
You come and get me free.”
monster.the almost.

when we learn to love humanity
our hearts break. we begin to see
the flaws and injustices of this world
and once we see that, it becomes easy
for that broken hearted love to turn into
hate. it then becomes a bit of a catalyst
for us to go back and turn around again
into worldly ways….

how?

why?

i noticed it happening to me a little bit.
falling into a bit of self-righteousness.
what i’ve learned, what i’ve done, who
i have encountered, what i have embarked on…
it’s easy. it’s one small little slip that can
bring that.

i’m admitting that it did happen.

so then i thought and re-thought
and prayed.
then started to remember what
my younglife area director told me…
“yes, we want to see the kids come
to the kingdom, but ultimately the
goal is to love them and let them
know they are loved. by us and by
the love that God has instilled in us.
that’s it. they may not want to have
anything to do with religion, but
we need to love them. and that’s it.
no other agendas.”
it’s hard to remember that sometimes.
not in just younglife, but in general.
these kids aren’t the only ones that
need someone to love them…everyone
needs somebody. the kids we work
with burn us a lot just to see if they
can trust us. are you willing to get burned
by other people to gain their trust and love?
i know it’s easy to fall into the whole “i don’t
want to get walked all over” sort of mentality,
but if we don’t deal with that a bit, who will?
Jesus did it for us.

so in that… monster by the
almost reminded me of that.
“if i were a monster
would you wince when you looked
at me?
if i were freak, would you stare?”

….would you?

Autumn Leaves, originally uploaded by PrismRed.

i don’t know if i’ll ever understand
or be ok with the fact that God brings
people in our lives for seasons
or that situations and thing only happen
for certain seasons.

i grow attached to things/people
and learn to love them greatly
but when the shut out starts to come
on either end… unintentionally…
it sucks.

i don’t know if i’ll ever get it
or be ok with it, but i know i have
to learn to accept that it happens
cuz it’s God’s world and reason,
&&it’s not about my will…

so.
seasons change
people change
situations change
they come and go
in waves.

but, i’ll have you know
that if we’ve drifted, i
still love you&care for you
(i’ve learned that i can’t
not care…it’s impossible)
i like knowing if things
in your life are ok or if
they suck… cuz i still
want to be here for you.

so…. if i can keep my pinky
wrapped around yours…
so at least we’re still somehow
connected to each other
even if it’s by our littlest finger..
i’d like that immensely.

[[over-sensitive]]
and i’m ok with that

[[lover & fighter]]
and now i’m not making sense
but maybe in some strange
paradoxical way,
it’ll be cohesive
in one way or another.

i love you.
love you.
love love you.
love loving you.
yes.

chris and hannah, originally uploaded by p r o m i s e.

so with God having been
uprooting me in almost
all aspects of my life…
having me move away
from all things familiar,
i finally got to breathe
my first sigh of relief.

business management
is not meant to be my major.
i had a dream where i was like
30 and looked like i was 40
and i worked a cubicle job
and all i did was work
and become one of those
business work-a-holics
and that scared me.
so… i’m keeping the same
minors, but i found a major
at PLNU that is perfect…
it mashes up business and
communications perfectly
for me….
so..
Managerial and Organizational Communication
will be my major
upon transferring…
*sigh*

sigh of relief #1…
now let us see how
the rest of everything else
falls into place…

baby, originally uploaded by xxblackdahlias.

can i go back to africa now?
please.

, originally uploaded by Katherine Elizabeth.

i walked around in a circle
then plopped down on the
grass.
slightly moist, but that’s ok
it a little water never hurt
anybody.

it was early
the sky still a misty
grey color
the sun was playing
hide and seek with
me just lingering
behind the clouds
waiting for the
awkward time
to pop out.
maybe he’ll come
say hi at 7:34 am today.
why 7:34, mr.sun?

doesn’t matter.
at least he got a break
so mrs. moon could let
her light shine for a while.

day has a life of its own
and night belongs in a realm
of its own.

i sat and thought some
more.
my mind and thoughts
scattered, each taking
minor trips on their
own little lonesome
selves.

“come back”
i say.
they each have a fun
little thing to show and
tell me.
my mind full of new ideas
and creativity.

“i saw this cool wall…
all weathered and torn…”
on thought said

“i saw two people.
fingers interlaced
yet with the most
distant look in their
eyes”
said another

“the sun says
he’s gonna feel
nice today”
chattered a few.

there it goes..
my mind..
on a few trips
here and there.
sense or no
sense.
it’s ok.

i love you.

Hotel St. James, originally uploaded by chezrob_vn.

so i tried to climb on the
hotel st. james rooftop
yesterday

but for some reason

somehow
they decided to install
alarms on all the
windows.

now you can’t climb out
them and onto the fire escape.
EFF THAT.

:[

in Uganda I met some people with names like Innocent or Grace or Happy or God’s Gift… I miss hearing names that were so to the point and that were a literal expression of the person…

<3

Bradley Hathaway, originally uploaded by www.gageyoung.com.

dear bradley hathaway,

remember when you used my iphone
charger to charge your phone at tomfest?
and then you went *poof* for a while
and i went *poof* for a second
that then you and your phone were
gone a second later.

sincerely,
a random thought thinker